Saturday, July 31, 2010

Boys Should Come With a Warning Label

Seriously. One big, fat, ha-uge warning label. This label is really needed when the only experience you've previously had was a mild-mannered little girl who was content to sit quietly, and play with toys for hours on end.
Imagine my surprise every time my darling son gets himself into a "predicament." We've learned a lot in the past 19 months, but he continues to surprise us. Most recently was last week when he got his arm stuck, STUCK!!!, in between the slats on my dining room chair. Not sure what happened when he tried to climb it, but there the arm was. For the record, said chair was pushed in so he could not climb it. Joke's on me I guess. I could not get his arm to slide past his chubby little elbow. He was screaming, I was panicking, and Todd was sleeping after a night working the graveyard shift. Crap!! Double crap!!! What do I do?!?! Soap! I need something slippery! Todd! He needs to wake up and help me! Do I call the fire department? Are we going to have to saw the chair? But what about his arm? What if they accidentally saw his arm! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! Oh it gets better, his arm was stuck in such an angle that I could not put him down, I had to hold him so he wouldn't break it. Here I was, holding a screaming baby, we were both in the throes of utter panic as I tried to carry him and the solid oak chair through the living room, over the baby gate, to my bedroom. Halfway there I put Luke and chair down to get a better grip. Somehow that put him at the perfect angle where his arm could slide right out. SIGH! He was fine, I was shaking and in need of a drink just to calm my frayed nerves. Unfortunately it was only 10AM.

Here are some other glimpses into the toddler boy mind that nobody warns you about:
*Outlets are fun and can be mastered by the time you are 10 months old.
*If you want to watch your mom break a sweat climb onto the computer chair and bang away on the keyboard. When she puts you on the floor to fix the computer take off running out the screen door into the backyard. Make sure to squeal gleefully the entire time!
*Chairs and sofas are for climbing and jumping, not sitting.
*Anything that can support your weight provides great leverage for reaching the TV. Just put your makeshift stool in front of the TV, step up and the buttons are there for the taking. Very entertaining to watch Mom and Dad freak out if you happen to own a flat screen. Gosh, they act like I'm going to ruin the screen or something!
*When Mommy or Daddy serve you a food you don't like, or when you are done eating throw it on the floor or the wall. The dogs loooove it!
*If you can sneak into the kitchen pull out all the cookie cutters and watch Mommy hop around on one foot after she steps on one. While she is hopping around proceed to pull out as many sandwich bags as you can. Then as she stuffs them back into the box pull out some tupperware and go splash in the dog's water.
*If after all these shenanigans your Mommy still has some semblance of her sanity left poop in the tub, works like a charm every time! Please note, it is best to wait until after she has dumped in all of your bath toys.

1 comment:

Merci-Notes said...

Yes, first my sweet daughter... finger to my lips and a twirl of my finger meant please turn around in the pew and quiet.
then came my son who taught me that boys and girls ARE NOT THE SAME,. nope, they are not!
And I am so happy now that they are not the same! :)
How lucky we both are.. a daughter and then a son! So much to learn.
You are blessed to be a Mom... AT HOME! :) Me too, now they are young adults :)

With Kindess,