Friday, April 2, 2010

The Great Poop Caper

Scene of the Crime: Kids’ bathroom, in the bath tub
Date of the Crime: Tuesday, March 30 at 6:30pm
Perpetrator: Luke
Victim: Mom and the bath tub

I am sure lots of parents have been subjected to this crime. But Tuesday was my first. I made it seven and a half years without falling prey to the” bath tub poopie” (BTP for short.) Luke was happily splashing around in the tub, content to give the surrounding areas with a good soaking. I was settled down on the floor in the no-splash zone mindlessly flipping through a magazine when I heard it. The pre-emptive poop groan. The one that tells you your sweet little angel is about to present you with a big, odorous gift. In one swift move I threw the magazine aside, leapt to my feet and yanked him out of the bath. Too late. There it was: the BTP! UGH!!! GROSS!!! Of coarse these types of situations only occur when Todd is not home. I am never blessed with reinforcements.
Damage control began. I swear, Moms should be in charge of FEMA. We can swiftly assess the damage, then create, prioritize, and execute a plan of action. Dry off baby, begin draining tub, stop baby from throwing more toys into tub of fecal water, pull bath seat out of tub, dispose of offending poopie, grab Chlorox wipes, grab all toys and dump into sink, wash hands vigorously with TONS of soap, wrestle naked baby back into the bathroom after gleefully running away, de-cootie-fy tub and toys with Chlorox wipes, remove plunger from baby’s firm grasp just before he puts the handle in his mouth, pray that I don’t lose sanity, rinse tub, re-fill tub with clean bathwater, put baby in tub, fantasize about how great a glass of wine would be right about now, call husband to bitch about BTP, pray this never happens again.

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